Wednesday, December 31, 2008
BOOOOOO!!!
Just talked to the nurse in the NICU. No baby Linden today! Booo HOO! They are waiting on test results so MABYE tomorrow!
Happy New Year! December 31, 2008
What a new year it is for our family! Saige is walking all the time and pushing her toys around! She has been taking a few steps for months, but NOW, she is a walker! She is so proud of her new accomplishments too! Funny to think we know how to be proud at such a young age!
Well, I am feeling better, doesn't hurt to cough or laugh...can pick up SAIGE!!! I officially have one more week of no driving and no picking up...yet, the doctor is so impressed with my recovery. He knew I wouldn't be able to stop from lifting that sweet Saige so, he just told me it would hurt but my guts wouldn't fall out...so not to worry. Had a check up yesterday and all is well...minus a long scar on my abdomen...UGH! Not like I am wearing bikinis anyway these days!
Monday was the first time I was able to attempt to breast feed Linden...she slept instead. Monday night and Tuesday early morning she drank all of her milk at each feeding so yesterday they took our her feeding tube. Oh, that sweet face without any tape or tubes. So, yesterday at 2pm feeding she breastfed like a champ and I went back again at night and she did so well! She successfully did all of her feedings in the night! So, Todd went this morning and they said she might be able to go home TODAY! I have Saige and all of our helpers are not in town and Norma is on vacation for the holiday...wouldn't you know it. We have no one here to help until Friday..which will be just fine. It will give us a few days to settle in as a family...minus big brother who is currently having a ball in Michigan with Fafa and Saba! He will be home Sunday!
So, Todd took the car seat up to the hospital for the "car seat challenge." It is when they put a baby in their seat and monitor them for an hour. Sometimes, premature babies get squished in the seat and slump over and have a hard time breathing. So, Linden must pass this test before we can take her home. It was a riot getting out Saige's barely used infant seat and setting it from the largest size to the smallest belt size. Saige outgrew that seat in minutes....she needed a lazyboy carseat...the oversized kind...we now have two.
So, barring any complications...Linden will be here tonight! Wahoo! Saige and I will meet Todd up at the hospital in just a few short hours. Can't believe the road we have traveled, yet, it is our road, our memories and how sweet they are.
Continue to pray for healing for our family, peace and rest. We are overdone!
Much love to you and yours,
Kristen
Well, I am feeling better, doesn't hurt to cough or laugh...can pick up SAIGE!!! I officially have one more week of no driving and no picking up...yet, the doctor is so impressed with my recovery. He knew I wouldn't be able to stop from lifting that sweet Saige so, he just told me it would hurt but my guts wouldn't fall out...so not to worry. Had a check up yesterday and all is well...minus a long scar on my abdomen...UGH! Not like I am wearing bikinis anyway these days!
Monday was the first time I was able to attempt to breast feed Linden...she slept instead. Monday night and Tuesday early morning she drank all of her milk at each feeding so yesterday they took our her feeding tube. Oh, that sweet face without any tape or tubes. So, yesterday at 2pm feeding she breastfed like a champ and I went back again at night and she did so well! She successfully did all of her feedings in the night! So, Todd went this morning and they said she might be able to go home TODAY! I have Saige and all of our helpers are not in town and Norma is on vacation for the holiday...wouldn't you know it. We have no one here to help until Friday..which will be just fine. It will give us a few days to settle in as a family...minus big brother who is currently having a ball in Michigan with Fafa and Saba! He will be home Sunday!
So, Todd took the car seat up to the hospital for the "car seat challenge." It is when they put a baby in their seat and monitor them for an hour. Sometimes, premature babies get squished in the seat and slump over and have a hard time breathing. So, Linden must pass this test before we can take her home. It was a riot getting out Saige's barely used infant seat and setting it from the largest size to the smallest belt size. Saige outgrew that seat in minutes....she needed a lazyboy carseat...the oversized kind...we now have two.
So, barring any complications...Linden will be here tonight! Wahoo! Saige and I will meet Todd up at the hospital in just a few short hours. Can't believe the road we have traveled, yet, it is our road, our memories and how sweet they are.
Continue to pray for healing for our family, peace and rest. We are overdone!
Much love to you and yours,
Kristen
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Another very long week! December 28, 2008
Friends and Family,
This is the first time I have felt like writing. I will try to to fill you in...a lot has happened.
Linden had to have her tube put back in late Sunday or Monday. She just wasn't ready to be without it. She looked so much better with it in...her color and her tiny chest wasn't working as hard. I was sad but relieved once I saw her. They weaned her slowly down off the tube to a nasal cannula and all of her oxygen support...and the best Christmas gift of NO OXYGEN! Yet, they tested her secretions from her lungs and he has EColi bacteria growing in her trachea area...not exactly sure. Since she was already on antibiotics they continued with a longer course. AND...the saddest part was she had to have a spinal tap on Christmas to make sure the infection hadn't spread to her brain! UGH! I was a mess! I couldn't talk about it without crying. So far, all cultures are negative and they watch them for 5 days...so, we are mostly in the clear! Wahoo!
Also on the 25th, they began feeding her my milk! Wahoo! That is where the magic happens! It is liquid gold! I remember Saige and the difference in her with just a few feedings...I wonder if they are starving?? Anyway, today Todd went to feed her and do Kangaroo Care and she looks so wonderful. We take turns going, doing Kangaroo Care and feeding her. She isn't able to finish a bottle so they are giving the remainder milk in her feeding tube.
Last night I went and she slept so hard on my chest...so sweet it is!
Back to my health update. Dr. Jackson and Dr. Roberts came in on Monday am and said the pathology was I had placenta accreta. That is where the placenta grows into the uterine wall. Rare, yet leave it to the Jureks to have all the odds! It is possible that the placenta can grow past the uterus to other organs too...YUCK! So, the remedy...Hysterectomy. I was in so much pain, and have suffered a bit with these pregnancies..it wasn't a hard decision. Pretty much...didn't have a choice. While my dr. was discussing it with us, he had already sent for them to pick me up for surgery...he knew the decision we would make. We had a laugh...Todd said, "When are we having the surgery?" Dr, Jackson..."they are on the way to pick up Kristen." So, Ididn't have much "sinking in" time. So, a pre-op freak out happened...only to be fixed with a stern conversation from Dr. Jackson and sedation!
The surgery went well and the dr. said it needed to be done, just looking at my uterus! So, I was in the hospital until Christmas eve...excrutiating pain. They had to do an incision instead of vaginally because of just giving birth. Too risky...too much blood loss the other way.
I am feeling much better and moving a bit easier. Now I know why they call your abdominals, "CORE" muscles...OUCH! I can just now cough without crying, laugh without crying....but, still wince a bit. Feeling a bit sad today about not being able to have more kids. I have always wanted a houseful! So, we are thrilled with our three and loving our time with all of them.
Today, we were told Linden could come home by next Saturday. Yet, we have learned not to get our hopes up! We want her to take all the time she needs. Get to try and breastfeed tonight!
If I ever set up my itunes I will post photos from my phone. She looks so beautiful!
Thank you for continued prayers and calls!
Thanks to my girl Laura for coming over on Christmas and Heather and Meredith for stopping by on Friday...made me feel like a normal human!
Love to you and yours, Kristen
This is the first time I have felt like writing. I will try to to fill you in...a lot has happened.
Linden had to have her tube put back in late Sunday or Monday. She just wasn't ready to be without it. She looked so much better with it in...her color and her tiny chest wasn't working as hard. I was sad but relieved once I saw her. They weaned her slowly down off the tube to a nasal cannula and all of her oxygen support...and the best Christmas gift of NO OXYGEN! Yet, they tested her secretions from her lungs and he has EColi bacteria growing in her trachea area...not exactly sure. Since she was already on antibiotics they continued with a longer course. AND...the saddest part was she had to have a spinal tap on Christmas to make sure the infection hadn't spread to her brain! UGH! I was a mess! I couldn't talk about it without crying. So far, all cultures are negative and they watch them for 5 days...so, we are mostly in the clear! Wahoo!
Also on the 25th, they began feeding her my milk! Wahoo! That is where the magic happens! It is liquid gold! I remember Saige and the difference in her with just a few feedings...I wonder if they are starving?? Anyway, today Todd went to feed her and do Kangaroo Care and she looks so wonderful. We take turns going, doing Kangaroo Care and feeding her. She isn't able to finish a bottle so they are giving the remainder milk in her feeding tube.
Last night I went and she slept so hard on my chest...so sweet it is!
Back to my health update. Dr. Jackson and Dr. Roberts came in on Monday am and said the pathology was I had placenta accreta. That is where the placenta grows into the uterine wall. Rare, yet leave it to the Jureks to have all the odds! It is possible that the placenta can grow past the uterus to other organs too...YUCK! So, the remedy...Hysterectomy. I was in so much pain, and have suffered a bit with these pregnancies..it wasn't a hard decision. Pretty much...didn't have a choice. While my dr. was discussing it with us, he had already sent for them to pick me up for surgery...he knew the decision we would make. We had a laugh...Todd said, "When are we having the surgery?" Dr, Jackson..."they are on the way to pick up Kristen." So, Ididn't have much "sinking in" time. So, a pre-op freak out happened...only to be fixed with a stern conversation from Dr. Jackson and sedation!
The surgery went well and the dr. said it needed to be done, just looking at my uterus! So, I was in the hospital until Christmas eve...excrutiating pain. They had to do an incision instead of vaginally because of just giving birth. Too risky...too much blood loss the other way.
I am feeling much better and moving a bit easier. Now I know why they call your abdominals, "CORE" muscles...OUCH! I can just now cough without crying, laugh without crying....but, still wince a bit. Feeling a bit sad today about not being able to have more kids. I have always wanted a houseful! So, we are thrilled with our three and loving our time with all of them.
Today, we were told Linden could come home by next Saturday. Yet, we have learned not to get our hopes up! We want her to take all the time she needs. Get to try and breastfeed tonight!
If I ever set up my itunes I will post photos from my phone. She looks so beautiful!
Thank you for continued prayers and calls!
Thanks to my girl Laura for coming over on Christmas and Heather and Meredith for stopping by on Friday...made me feel like a normal human!
Love to you and yours, Kristen
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Playing catch up....December 21st 9:30pm
Friends and Family,
Our road has been full of twists and turns this week, that is for sure. I am not sure where I have left off.
I will start with the fighter baby, Linden!
I saw her 5 times today since I am sharing the same home. The first time I went this morning with Todd, there was no change...30% on average oxygen 35 breaths per minute and pressure 30-32. All medication, i.e., anitbiotics, dopamine, sedation meds were stopped. She has her last sedation yesterday at 10 am. Todd and I were nervous that she may be uncomfortable with the vent tube in her mouth. She also has a feeding tube which also is in her mouth. I was so afraid of her being uncomfortable. Yet, the nurses told me, he blood pressure, etc. would reflect pain and as of today, she has not needed any sedation or pain meds. Wahoo!
How I saw her five times...
Yesterday, in the mid morning I started having pain again in my abdomen. I took the pain medication..which makes me nervous...and it worked so I went on with my day. I relaxed, rested, played and cooked 7 layer bars....don't worry, it takes 5 minutes, literally. We got the bay to bed, along with mom, dad and ethan...then it hit like a ton of bricks.
It was instant, excrutiating pain in my abdomen. I had taken pain meds 15 minutes before the episode...hoping to fight it off. But, it grabbed hold of me...so painful, so many tears, I couldn't get out of bed to walk to the car, or for Todd to carry me. I started trembling and Todd called the ambulance. I scared him...I was scared.
The ambulance brought me to the hospital and the pain meds started to kick in. ..so I was ready to go home and forget it happened...not Todd. He was not going home until we had an answer. So, another ultrasound showed there was tissue in my uterus still. Actually, the ultrasound from Thursday was identical, which means he didn't get the tissue out, it might be grown into the wall of my uterus...UGH!
So, I was admitted to the hospital overnight to meet with the doctor on call this morning. Todd stayed with me as well. Mom and Dad were still at in town so the other kiddos had no clue what was going on.
This morning Dr. Roberts came in and said she would schedule me another D&C today. We are to get the pathology back on Thursday's procedure Monday which would tell us if I had placenta accreta...that is when the placent grows into the uterus. If that is the case I will need a hysterectomy tomorrow. So, instead of two surgeries, they are managing my pain with a morphine pump...wahoo...and we will know in the morning the pathology and make some decisions. Haven't been feeling good...therefore, not in a blogging mood...
Back to Linden...SOOOOO, the last time I saw her around 5 pm with Mom...HER EYES were OPEN!!! She looked right at me, she followed our voices with her sweet eyes...which we think are blue. She let us talk to her, touch her and sing to her. It was the sweetest moment...i remember the same moment with Saige. God is so good. Her eyes would roll about her head...and then focus right on me. So amazing...he oxygen was 30 or less, pressure 30 and 20 breaths per minute...all awesome. Her blood gases were excellent! Made my day! I figured out today that I just hadn't felt she was turning the corner so it was so hard to be optimistic...she was so swollen, so still...didn't look like she was mine. NOW, she looks like my baby!!! Linden is kicking her legs, they are moving her from side to side, which she likes and the latest news...
SHE PULLED OUT HER TUBE! i guess she had enough of that vent tube...yanked that sucker out! The nurse said 98% of the time they don' thave to put it back in! They put her on a c-pap machine which will force air into her lungs but, she won't need oxygen support...so far.
So, we just have this health hurdle for me, and it seems Linden is taking control of her own health.
I am so pumped!!1 We are so exhausted, we haven't been returning calls, just bear with us. We are so tired of talking about it, not sleeping and worrying...we just don' thave the energy...well, I have some but , not much.
Pray for me...I am scared about the surgery. Going under...with three kids waiting for me...not liking it at all. Funny how that changes when your responsibilites are different. Pray for Linden's continuing recovery...for Ethan and Saige...that they remember me!!!
Love you, must go to bed, K
All typos and jumbled info...blame the morphine.
Our road has been full of twists and turns this week, that is for sure. I am not sure where I have left off.
I will start with the fighter baby, Linden!
I saw her 5 times today since I am sharing the same home. The first time I went this morning with Todd, there was no change...30% on average oxygen 35 breaths per minute and pressure 30-32. All medication, i.e., anitbiotics, dopamine, sedation meds were stopped. She has her last sedation yesterday at 10 am. Todd and I were nervous that she may be uncomfortable with the vent tube in her mouth. She also has a feeding tube which also is in her mouth. I was so afraid of her being uncomfortable. Yet, the nurses told me, he blood pressure, etc. would reflect pain and as of today, she has not needed any sedation or pain meds. Wahoo!
How I saw her five times...
Yesterday, in the mid morning I started having pain again in my abdomen. I took the pain medication..which makes me nervous...and it worked so I went on with my day. I relaxed, rested, played and cooked 7 layer bars....don't worry, it takes 5 minutes, literally. We got the bay to bed, along with mom, dad and ethan...then it hit like a ton of bricks.
It was instant, excrutiating pain in my abdomen. I had taken pain meds 15 minutes before the episode...hoping to fight it off. But, it grabbed hold of me...so painful, so many tears, I couldn't get out of bed to walk to the car, or for Todd to carry me. I started trembling and Todd called the ambulance. I scared him...I was scared.
The ambulance brought me to the hospital and the pain meds started to kick in. ..so I was ready to go home and forget it happened...not Todd. He was not going home until we had an answer. So, another ultrasound showed there was tissue in my uterus still. Actually, the ultrasound from Thursday was identical, which means he didn't get the tissue out, it might be grown into the wall of my uterus...UGH!
So, I was admitted to the hospital overnight to meet with the doctor on call this morning. Todd stayed with me as well. Mom and Dad were still at in town so the other kiddos had no clue what was going on.
This morning Dr. Roberts came in and said she would schedule me another D&C today. We are to get the pathology back on Thursday's procedure Monday which would tell us if I had placenta accreta...that is when the placent grows into the uterus. If that is the case I will need a hysterectomy tomorrow. So, instead of two surgeries, they are managing my pain with a morphine pump...wahoo...and we will know in the morning the pathology and make some decisions. Haven't been feeling good...therefore, not in a blogging mood...
Back to Linden...SOOOOO, the last time I saw her around 5 pm with Mom...HER EYES were OPEN!!! She looked right at me, she followed our voices with her sweet eyes...which we think are blue. She let us talk to her, touch her and sing to her. It was the sweetest moment...i remember the same moment with Saige. God is so good. Her eyes would roll about her head...and then focus right on me. So amazing...he oxygen was 30 or less, pressure 30 and 20 breaths per minute...all awesome. Her blood gases were excellent! Made my day! I figured out today that I just hadn't felt she was turning the corner so it was so hard to be optimistic...she was so swollen, so still...didn't look like she was mine. NOW, she looks like my baby!!! Linden is kicking her legs, they are moving her from side to side, which she likes and the latest news...
SHE PULLED OUT HER TUBE! i guess she had enough of that vent tube...yanked that sucker out! The nurse said 98% of the time they don' thave to put it back in! They put her on a c-pap machine which will force air into her lungs but, she won't need oxygen support...so far.
So, we just have this health hurdle for me, and it seems Linden is taking control of her own health.
I am so pumped!!1 We are so exhausted, we haven't been returning calls, just bear with us. We are so tired of talking about it, not sleeping and worrying...we just don' thave the energy...well, I have some but , not much.
Pray for me...I am scared about the surgery. Going under...with three kids waiting for me...not liking it at all. Funny how that changes when your responsibilites are different. Pray for Linden's continuing recovery...for Ethan and Saige...that they remember me!!!
Love you, must go to bed, K
All typos and jumbled info...blame the morphine.
Friday, December 19, 2008
December 19 evening visit with Daddy
I was in too much pain to go up to the hospital or anywhere else but bed. Todd went just as tired, knowing that is the only way I would stay home...if someone went instead of me. Because of the security one of has to go...so even my mom couldn't go without one of us...which defeats the purpose of help...right? i get it though and glad for the security.
So, now that I am thinking...let me call and get an update...Sara is her nurse tonight. We have special relationships with a lot of the nurses because of Saige. It is comforting. Anyway, Linden is at 36% oxygen and the pressure is 30/6 which is better! Otherwise, all is the same. She is taking her time, healing her body...which is all right by me!
Dad came in this weekend..mom had stayed all week. We are hoping for a bit of Christmas cooking this weekend...mostly Auntie Lori's cookies to be made.
Ethan is home from school for the next few weeks and I am looking forward to doing more with him since I have been on bedrest and he has been sooooo patient. He is such a great big brother! Saige beams when she sees him! I can't wait for all of my kids to be home!
God is good. K
So, now that I am thinking...let me call and get an update...Sara is her nurse tonight. We have special relationships with a lot of the nurses because of Saige. It is comforting. Anyway, Linden is at 36% oxygen and the pressure is 30/6 which is better! Otherwise, all is the same. She is taking her time, healing her body...which is all right by me!
Dad came in this weekend..mom had stayed all week. We are hoping for a bit of Christmas cooking this weekend...mostly Auntie Lori's cookies to be made.
Ethan is home from school for the next few weeks and I am looking forward to doing more with him since I have been on bedrest and he has been sooooo patient. He is such a great big brother! Saige beams when she sees him! I can't wait for all of my kids to be home!
God is good. K
Where should I start??? December 19
Where to start? We went to see Linden yesterday in the morning while Saige was taking a nap. She was stable with not much change. If I remember correctly she was around 50% oxygen and pressure was the same. They were sedating her every two hours with morphine and versa(sp?).
THEN...we came home to take a nap and during that nap I began having excruciating pain in my abdomen. Much like labor. Todd jumped and got me some pain meds...yet, within minutes I realized something was very wrong. To make a longer story short, I went to ER and my doctor met me there around 2:30 and I was in surgery by 4p. I had retained placenta and my body was trying to get rid of it on its own....hence the pain. So, I spent another night in the hospital. All is okay...so we think for now. I sure hope so.
I got home this morning after a short visit to see Baby Linden with a mask. They are letting me see her as long as I wear a mask and i have been treated with meds and the shingles have not spread. She was on 36% oxygen yet her pressure on the vent has gone up to 37/6 for those who know what I talking about. A bit worrisome. She is just taking her time...which is fine. There is nothing we can do or the dr.'s can do but support her lungs and body until she is ready.
I played with Saige when I got home...I think she wonders where I have been at times...but nonetheless, she is happy with Norma, mom , Todd and especially Ethan.
We went back around 3:30p to see Linden. Very emotional trip for me...I think I am at a breaking point...it seems out of my control. First, we walked in and they hung a sign saying "minimal stimulation" which flooded my head with the memories of Saige. That same sign hung above her bed for what seems like an eternity.
She was lying so still, so quiet, it was hard to think there was a baby under that skin. The guilt overwhelms me. I know I have nothing to feel guilty about, yet it rares it ugly head often...questions like, could I have kept her in any longer? Did I do too much to make her come early? Was it because I got pregnant so fast after Saige? Was I being selfish wanting more kids after the experience of Saige being so sick? Anyway, those are but a few of the crazy thoughts that flood my eyes with tears when i see her.
So, to make matters worse, she is more swollen and retaining fluid that it is hard to picture her face...one that matches our family. She is wearing Shoe socks...that remind me she is mine, socks my girl Melanie gave to Saige...they cheer me up. Anyway, she was on 36% oxygen and her pressure was down to 32/6 and breaths per minute were down to 45...before the machine was breathing 55 bpm on her behalf. So there is definite improvement. THEN...Linden started to desat..which means her oxygen levels in her blood dropped. So, quietly the nurses went to her side to listen to her lungs. They increased her oxygen up to 50+% before they could suction her. She is very touchy and just changing her diaper makes her levels drop. So, they suctioned her about 5 times and he sats went down to below 80...gave me a mild heart attack. I lost it..began crying...just too scary. They were not worried and said if they worried, the doctor would be at her side...no relief though to me anyway.
So, I am bit down to say the least, I know the outcome for Saige was wonderful and I felt these same feelings...doesn't make it any better. I know just enough information that I am bit dangerous to myself since I have experience with Saige.
We went out to dinner for bit of a break and it seems the sadness and fear follow me...even to Luby's! So, after kiddos are in bed we are back to the hospital.
Pray for her please, for all of us. Todd is exhausted. I told him he had it the worst because at least I got to rest during surgery, and I have pain meds...
Love to you and yours, Kristen
THEN...we came home to take a nap and during that nap I began having excruciating pain in my abdomen. Much like labor. Todd jumped and got me some pain meds...yet, within minutes I realized something was very wrong. To make a longer story short, I went to ER and my doctor met me there around 2:30 and I was in surgery by 4p. I had retained placenta and my body was trying to get rid of it on its own....hence the pain. So, I spent another night in the hospital. All is okay...so we think for now. I sure hope so.
I got home this morning after a short visit to see Baby Linden with a mask. They are letting me see her as long as I wear a mask and i have been treated with meds and the shingles have not spread. She was on 36% oxygen yet her pressure on the vent has gone up to 37/6 for those who know what I talking about. A bit worrisome. She is just taking her time...which is fine. There is nothing we can do or the dr.'s can do but support her lungs and body until she is ready.
I played with Saige when I got home...I think she wonders where I have been at times...but nonetheless, she is happy with Norma, mom , Todd and especially Ethan.
We went back around 3:30p to see Linden. Very emotional trip for me...I think I am at a breaking point...it seems out of my control. First, we walked in and they hung a sign saying "minimal stimulation" which flooded my head with the memories of Saige. That same sign hung above her bed for what seems like an eternity.
She was lying so still, so quiet, it was hard to think there was a baby under that skin. The guilt overwhelms me. I know I have nothing to feel guilty about, yet it rares it ugly head often...questions like, could I have kept her in any longer? Did I do too much to make her come early? Was it because I got pregnant so fast after Saige? Was I being selfish wanting more kids after the experience of Saige being so sick? Anyway, those are but a few of the crazy thoughts that flood my eyes with tears when i see her.
So, to make matters worse, she is more swollen and retaining fluid that it is hard to picture her face...one that matches our family. She is wearing Shoe socks...that remind me she is mine, socks my girl Melanie gave to Saige...they cheer me up. Anyway, she was on 36% oxygen and her pressure was down to 32/6 and breaths per minute were down to 45...before the machine was breathing 55 bpm on her behalf. So there is definite improvement. THEN...Linden started to desat..which means her oxygen levels in her blood dropped. So, quietly the nurses went to her side to listen to her lungs. They increased her oxygen up to 50+% before they could suction her. She is very touchy and just changing her diaper makes her levels drop. So, they suctioned her about 5 times and he sats went down to below 80...gave me a mild heart attack. I lost it..began crying...just too scary. They were not worried and said if they worried, the doctor would be at her side...no relief though to me anyway.
So, I am bit down to say the least, I know the outcome for Saige was wonderful and I felt these same feelings...doesn't make it any better. I know just enough information that I am bit dangerous to myself since I have experience with Saige.
We went out to dinner for bit of a break and it seems the sadness and fear follow me...even to Luby's! So, after kiddos are in bed we are back to the hospital.
Pray for her please, for all of us. Todd is exhausted. I told him he had it the worst because at least I got to rest during surgery, and I have pain meds...
Love to you and yours, Kristen
Thursday, December 18, 2008
SHINGLES?? Dec 18, 2008
Well, I woke up this morning with a blister on my cheek? What? Mom thought ringworm, although she has never actually seen what it looks like...a coworker with Todd thought Shingles!
So, instead of a trip to see Linden, Todd dropped me off at the doctor's office. I went into Dr. Jackson's office pleading for a different diagnosis...nope. I have one sore on my cheek and cannot see Linden for at least 24 hours until the medicine takes effect. If it spreads I cannot see her for 10 days. They are going to treat her as if she has it too. I am so sad, and feeling life isn't fair today. But, I don't want to get anyone else's baby sick. It is only transmitted by contact with the sore. So, most likely everyone is fine. I almost made my 70 yr old male doctor cry...he actually teared up. Long morning...my fear is that Linden won't bond with me if I am not there for her to hear my voice...
Linden update...from Todd...
Today is a turnaround day, and hopefully be able to wean her from the oxygen. They expect her to begin to get better in the next 24 hours. Her oxygen support is lower but the pressure is higher. Todd is much more optimistic and reasonable...I am more emotion and living in the terrible moment of seeing her attached to every plastic tube they make!
So, pray the Shingles don't spread and I get the rest I need to heal...that I can keep it together a few more days!
Kristen
So, instead of a trip to see Linden, Todd dropped me off at the doctor's office. I went into Dr. Jackson's office pleading for a different diagnosis...nope. I have one sore on my cheek and cannot see Linden for at least 24 hours until the medicine takes effect. If it spreads I cannot see her for 10 days. They are going to treat her as if she has it too. I am so sad, and feeling life isn't fair today. But, I don't want to get anyone else's baby sick. It is only transmitted by contact with the sore. So, most likely everyone is fine. I almost made my 70 yr old male doctor cry...he actually teared up. Long morning...my fear is that Linden won't bond with me if I am not there for her to hear my voice...
Linden update...from Todd...
Today is a turnaround day, and hopefully be able to wean her from the oxygen. They expect her to begin to get better in the next 24 hours. Her oxygen support is lower but the pressure is higher. Todd is much more optimistic and reasonable...I am more emotion and living in the terrible moment of seeing her attached to every plastic tube they make!
So, pray the Shingles don't spread and I get the rest I need to heal...that I can keep it together a few more days!
Kristen
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
1am December 18, 2008
I was too sad to write earlier today...but things are lookin' up! Around 3pm on the 17th, I went to see Linden and drop off some milk before I left for home. At that time, he RPMs...respirations per minute were very high along with her pulse. Her o2 sats were down and so they began to raise her o2 levels again. Her blood gas test was not great. The dr. sedated her a bit extra than her normal dose to see if that would work, it didn't. They raised her oxygen again up to 69% and more sedation...didn't work. The dr. said she would not wean her from oxygen unless needed.
So, at 7:30pm last night they gave her the last dose of Surfactant....now we wait. I put Saige to bed and spent time with Ethan...although he wanted to spend more time with Nonna (my mom) and we called to check in at the hospital before we left. Her o2 level support was up to 76-79%...UGH! I quickly took a shower as not to let Ethan see me cry. He had a horrible time with Saige...I mean it was so difficult for him, he worried so much about her, we are trying to minimize the knowledge of what is happening to Linden.
We got to the hospital and they had just done a blood gas test which was much improved and we called to speak to the Dr. She said this is normal for several reasons...the up and down of her status. It is normal to flucuate the first 24 hours on a ventilator. It is normal to flucuate because she was premature. It is normal to flucuate because she is under stress. They will continue to sedate her as much as possible. They added dopamine to her med regimine to increase her blood pressure.
So, it is now 1:12am and I just called to check in...her o2 support is down to 49% which is great. I asked why they were weaning and the nurse said too much o2 in her blood is not good either. The sedation continues, her urine output is great.
We continue to ride the rollercoaster of emotions on this journey with Linden. Some say..."oh, you know what the outcome is...look at Saige?" Easier said than done my friends. When I sit in that room, looking at Linden hooked up to all those machines, sick babies all around and she looks the sickest in the room??? All the memories of Saige flood my mind, and the fear sneaks it way into my head and heart...what if she is the one who doesn't make it? Normal, I know...scary...yes...but it is my truth for now. I too flucuate with her...
I push those thoughts out...the negative ones and fill them with jokes from the nurses, laughter from telling stories about my other two wonderful children, helping other parents in the NICU that haven't been through this before. Todd and I have the gift of knowledge...yet, at times it seems like a curse.
So, on we tread the road! I can't wait to get to the end of the line on this part of our journey.
She will be fine the Dr. says...so we try to worry when we are told to.
Thank you for all the calls, prayers and well wishes! Until then....Kristen
So, at 7:30pm last night they gave her the last dose of Surfactant....now we wait. I put Saige to bed and spent time with Ethan...although he wanted to spend more time with Nonna (my mom) and we called to check in at the hospital before we left. Her o2 level support was up to 76-79%...UGH! I quickly took a shower as not to let Ethan see me cry. He had a horrible time with Saige...I mean it was so difficult for him, he worried so much about her, we are trying to minimize the knowledge of what is happening to Linden.
We got to the hospital and they had just done a blood gas test which was much improved and we called to speak to the Dr. She said this is normal for several reasons...the up and down of her status. It is normal to flucuate the first 24 hours on a ventilator. It is normal to flucuate because she was premature. It is normal to flucuate because she is under stress. They will continue to sedate her as much as possible. They added dopamine to her med regimine to increase her blood pressure.
So, it is now 1:12am and I just called to check in...her o2 support is down to 49% which is great. I asked why they were weaning and the nurse said too much o2 in her blood is not good either. The sedation continues, her urine output is great.
We continue to ride the rollercoaster of emotions on this journey with Linden. Some say..."oh, you know what the outcome is...look at Saige?" Easier said than done my friends. When I sit in that room, looking at Linden hooked up to all those machines, sick babies all around and she looks the sickest in the room??? All the memories of Saige flood my mind, and the fear sneaks it way into my head and heart...what if she is the one who doesn't make it? Normal, I know...scary...yes...but it is my truth for now. I too flucuate with her...
I push those thoughts out...the negative ones and fill them with jokes from the nurses, laughter from telling stories about my other two wonderful children, helping other parents in the NICU that haven't been through this before. Todd and I have the gift of knowledge...yet, at times it seems like a curse.
So, on we tread the road! I can't wait to get to the end of the line on this part of our journey.
She will be fine the Dr. says...so we try to worry when we are told to.
Thank you for all the calls, prayers and well wishes! Until then....Kristen
1:30 pm December 17, 2008
Delayed news because this momma needed some sleep! Todd came and sat with the baby so I could catch some zzzzzz's. I have a hard time sleeping for extended periods if someone isn't at the hospital able to sit with her every once in a while!
So, back to the NEWS!! Linden is still on the vent but her oxygen support is 43% which is great. The vent pressure is 32 but normal for a premie says the dr. They gave her another dose of surfactant and the co2 levels dropped which is great progress! She is still sedated to let her little body work on healing instead of using that energy to fight tubes, nurses, etc.
Our favorite dr. is on call today who was so wonderful with Saige. She showed us the differences in lung xrays and the placement of her arterial lines...so interesting! Her lungs are visibly clearer...even to us!
She said Linden is not as sick as Saige was and will be home soon. We know not to ask that question because no one knows the answer...it is a day by day deal!
If all goes well, they will wean her from the ventilator tomorrow. Once she is breathing on her own she will be able to have milk. I can't wait!
It is hard to bond with her when I can't hold her. I am sure we will get to do some Kangaroo Care..for those who aren't aware, it is when we get to hold the baby skin to skin. It is wonderful, and so good for premature babies.
I will be going home this afternoon to see Saige and Ethan. I haven't seen Saige since Sunday an dEthan since Monday...I am excited to spend some time with them.
Continue to pray for her speedy recovery and health of her body. We are so grateful, we are carried by your prayers.
Love to you and yours, Kristen
So, back to the NEWS!! Linden is still on the vent but her oxygen support is 43% which is great. The vent pressure is 32 but normal for a premie says the dr. They gave her another dose of surfactant and the co2 levels dropped which is great progress! She is still sedated to let her little body work on healing instead of using that energy to fight tubes, nurses, etc.
Our favorite dr. is on call today who was so wonderful with Saige. She showed us the differences in lung xrays and the placement of her arterial lines...so interesting! Her lungs are visibly clearer...even to us!
She said Linden is not as sick as Saige was and will be home soon. We know not to ask that question because no one knows the answer...it is a day by day deal!
If all goes well, they will wean her from the ventilator tomorrow. Once she is breathing on her own she will be able to have milk. I can't wait!
It is hard to bond with her when I can't hold her. I am sure we will get to do some Kangaroo Care..for those who aren't aware, it is when we get to hold the baby skin to skin. It is wonderful, and so good for premature babies.
I will be going home this afternoon to see Saige and Ethan. I haven't seen Saige since Sunday an dEthan since Monday...I am excited to spend some time with them.
Continue to pray for her speedy recovery and health of her body. We are so grateful, we are carried by your prayers.
Love to you and yours, Kristen
4am December 17, 2008
Good morning friends and family! It is so amazing to me how our bodies adjust in times like these. I am weary yet awake and feeling fine. Usually a night without much sleep creates a meanie in me! Now without sleep for several nights I am okay...well, so I think..might want to ask Todd or Mom.
I have been passing clots much like the last pregnancy with Saige which ended in a D&C. So prayers for me are also requested. I just want to get home and be with my family, no more pass interference.
I woke up at 4am feeling refreshed after 5 hrs of uninterrupted sleep! Amazing I know...and I am still at the hospital. I will be here all day for they are kicking me out at midnight. It will be a sad departure.
Well, Linden is being sedated while they have increased her pressure again to 32. He blood gases have not been stellar so they are going to decide whether to give her more surfactant in the near future. She is having another chest xray as I write...they kicked me out. I wonder if the technicians glow at night...I don't think I have seen an iron drape for them to wear? Anyway, the tears continue to flow as I sit and pray over Linden. I know what the outcome is...I have beautiful Saige, yet, it does not seem to ease me.
Her CO2 levels are poor (high)...so our prayer is that she begins to expell the CO2 and continue reducing the need for oxygen.
I do have to say, seeing her relaxed and sedated was a comfort...to know she is not fighting the tube and resting well...helps me to rest better...not well.
The nurses are spectacular and most are the same as last year with Saige...that too is comforting. We have taken pictures, but, I feel it is not something most people want to see...or maybe I just don't want to be reminded. As she improves and tubes begin to vanish...I will post more photos.
I have been passing clots much like the last pregnancy with Saige which ended in a D&C. So prayers for me are also requested. I just want to get home and be with my family, no more pass interference.
I woke up at 4am feeling refreshed after 5 hrs of uninterrupted sleep! Amazing I know...and I am still at the hospital. I will be here all day for they are kicking me out at midnight. It will be a sad departure.
Well, Linden is being sedated while they have increased her pressure again to 32. He blood gases have not been stellar so they are going to decide whether to give her more surfactant in the near future. She is having another chest xray as I write...they kicked me out. I wonder if the technicians glow at night...I don't think I have seen an iron drape for them to wear? Anyway, the tears continue to flow as I sit and pray over Linden. I know what the outcome is...I have beautiful Saige, yet, it does not seem to ease me.
Her CO2 levels are poor (high)...so our prayer is that she begins to expell the CO2 and continue reducing the need for oxygen.
I do have to say, seeing her relaxed and sedated was a comfort...to know she is not fighting the tube and resting well...helps me to rest better...not well.
The nurses are spectacular and most are the same as last year with Saige...that too is comforting. We have taken pictures, but, I feel it is not something most people want to see...or maybe I just don't want to be reminded. As she improves and tubes begin to vanish...I will post more photos.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Update 9:50pm December 16, 2008
Just got back from seeing Linden before I try to get some sleep. She is stable on the vent. She has had two doses of surfactant and it seems to be working. Her blood gases were great at 4:30ish so they began to turn down the oxygen. She was down to 60% from 100% oxygen support.
They gave her the second dose of surfactant at 7:30p and were able to drop her oxygen down to 50% but, they had to push up her pressure....meaning the pressure the machine puts on the lungs to help her move the co2 out, if I am understanding correctly. Her last blood gases, the oxygen was great but the co2 was the same and has not changed the last three tests.
To make sense of the above...she is improving. She looks less swollen and more like a newborn.
The goal for the next few hours is to get her down to 30% oxygen and less pressure...which is at 30/6...whatever that means. A new blood gas will be drawn at 1am or so and they will decide whether or not to give her a third dose of surfactant. She can only have 4 doses.
She is being sedated with morphine..to help with any discomfort she may be experiencing. I personally, think it is for the parents...it is so hard to see the silent screams of your child because there is a tube down her throat, to see her flinch at ever noise.
As a side note on my craziness...I would just like to say, rules are rules sometimes and why do people think they are the exception??? Rules are in place for a reason when it comes to the NICU...break some other rule that doesn't affect others! Right?
Anyway, good night and thank you for all your support and love!
My email is kristenjurek@hotmail.com.
They gave her the second dose of surfactant at 7:30p and were able to drop her oxygen down to 50% but, they had to push up her pressure....meaning the pressure the machine puts on the lungs to help her move the co2 out, if I am understanding correctly. Her last blood gases, the oxygen was great but the co2 was the same and has not changed the last three tests.
To make sense of the above...she is improving. She looks less swollen and more like a newborn.
The goal for the next few hours is to get her down to 30% oxygen and less pressure...which is at 30/6...whatever that means. A new blood gas will be drawn at 1am or so and they will decide whether or not to give her a third dose of surfactant. She can only have 4 doses.
She is being sedated with morphine..to help with any discomfort she may be experiencing. I personally, think it is for the parents...it is so hard to see the silent screams of your child because there is a tube down her throat, to see her flinch at ever noise.
As a side note on my craziness...I would just like to say, rules are rules sometimes and why do people think they are the exception??? Rules are in place for a reason when it comes to the NICU...break some other rule that doesn't affect others! Right?
Anyway, good night and thank you for all your support and love!
My email is kristenjurek@hotmail.com.
December 16, 2008
Dear Family and Friends,
Yesterday, Linden Ruth was born at 11:05am, 7 lbs 4 oz, 19 3/4 inches. For the back up story, Linden and I have been in the hospital trying to keep her incubating...several times...since I was 26 weeks. Saturday, I woke up from a nap with a flushed face and I could hear my heartbeat in my ears...so I ran up to the store to take my blood pressure, called the doc and he sent me to the hospital. Of course, while I was there my blood pressure was fine, for hours!! But, upon examination, I was dilated 3-4 cm...that is a NO WAY your are going home number!
So, my doctor was not on call, yet he was involved all weekend! We managed to keep Saige in until the doctor came in at 6am Monday. We collectively decided to break my water, to manage the birth, a controlled environment at one day shy of 35 weeks. She was coming anyway!!! Most doctors would have let her come last Monday when I was in the hospital, because protocol at 34 weeks is to let the baby come, yet I had mag sulfate again to make it a few more days. I would not change a thing...
So, yesterday after she was born, we were able to spend time with her for 20+ minutes before the NICU. She was pink and beautiful and showed no signs of distress. But, as the minutes ticked away she needed more oxygen, more intervention.
As with Saige, she appeared to be fine and has slowly needed more and more intervention. Last night she was on 25% oxygen, which we breathe 21%, so 4% more was no big deal. I sent Todd home thinking all was well! However, everytime I went to check on her in the night or drop off milk, her Oxygen level of support was higher and the oxygen saturation levels were struggling to be over 88% or so. By 5 this morning she was at 60% which is high. At that point the doctors decided she needed to have a breathing tube. Like Saige, she was given surfactant which is the sticky substance in our lungs that help open and close the aveoli in our lungs. There were several admissions today in the NICU and no one can be in the NICU but staff at those times. For 4 hours we were calling to check on her not knowing that she wasn't doing so well. Once we found out...can we say...mini volcano eruption??? No one told us...we just got back from seeing her and it is so sad to see her hooked up to everything like Saige, yet, we know the outcome! So, the next 24-48 hours are crucial for her. We are at a turning point. They can give her up to 4 doses of surfactant and she has only had one! She has an arterial line in her umbilical cord which can take her blood pressure and gives blood...no more sticking her with needles every few hours to get her blood gases.
So....phew....I am here until late tomorrow and will go home. I haven't seen Saige and miss both the kiddos so very much. Todd is home by dinner as to keep so sort of structure in the kids' lives.
I will use this blog to keep you all updated!
We are grateful for all the phone calls, encouragement and "love letters"!!!
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